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December 1, 2011, 4:15 pm - James Farrer

Try as I may, there always ends up being some place where users on my websites have to sit and wait for something to load or happen. A while back a few co-workers and I came up with a bit of code to help with the situation. It's a little bit of javascript that has made a few people smile and hopefully will make plenty more smile.


var randomLoadingMessage = function() {
    var lines = new Array(
        "Locating the required gigapixels to render...",
        "Spinning up the hamster...",
        "Shoveling coal into the server...",
        "Are we there yet?",
        "Hang on a sec, I know your data is here somewhere",
        "Searching for Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything",
        "Warming up the processors...",
        "Re-calibrating the internet...",
        "Working... So, how are you?",
        "Please count to 100...",
        "Doing something useful...",
        "Are you ready?",
        "Prepare for awesomeness.",
        "Yes there really are magic elves with an abacus working frantically in here.",
        "Don't panic...",
        "Deterministically simulating the future.",
        "Searching through billions of bits to find what you're looking for.",
        "So, do you come here often?",
        "Recalculating PI...",
        "Preparing for hyperspace jump",
        "Loading: one Mississippi Loading: two Mississippi Loading: three Mississippi",
        "Waiting for magic to happen...",
        "Please wait while the punch tape loads...",
        "The hamster is running as fast as it can, hold on a second...",
        "Searching for answers...",
        "Looking for exact change...",
        "Giving it all of got...",
        "It's around here somewhere... ",
        "Loading screen... If you can see this I'm still working on your request.",
        "Waiting for something in the server.",
        "This page brought to you by the Letter Q...",
        "Firing up the hyperspace quantum overdrive...",
        "Let me think about this...",
        "Gotcha, boss! Going right at it!",
        "Going the distance...",
        "Searching for dragons...",
        "Reassembling atoms...",
        "Winding up the rubber band...",
        "We're working on making this page load faster",
        "I spy something green...",
        "Configuring the flux capacitor"
    return lines[Math.round(Math.random()*(lines.length-1))];

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